Whispers In The Dark
by davina-kol
Summary: prompt: Davina asks Elijah to take away her memories of Kol only to have him return months later and Davina's memories are seemingly gone for good. Kolvina one shot.


**This was another prompt sent to me on tumblr that I thought to share with you all here. I hope you enjoy it too and feel free to send me your own prompts either here or on my tumblr :)**

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How could you say goodbye to someone that you couldn't let go? Someone that made it physically pain you when you tried to forget about them because it was so impossible, but the pain of remembering them was even worse? Saying goodbye to something like that should be easy, except it wasn't. Not for Davina.

Letting go of that pain should have been something she thrived for everyday so she could be okay again. Why was she still holding on to something that wasn't there? That pain he brought her was all she had left of him and it was intoxicating and addictive like a drug. The aftermath was just as messy.

When he wasn't there her eyes could make it seem like he was before she was pulled under the swarming wave of reality and she saw him dying all over again. Davina could no longer count the number of times that her knees had hit the floor and tears flooded out of her eyes, but she never let herself scream.

She barely had time with Kol yet somehow he had burned his memory in every aspect of her life making him erasable. He made her body go numb to the world around her. At first it was easier to cope with his death when she had the hope of returning him to her, but once that reality slipped between her fingers like Kol had, Davina spiraled all the way to the bottom with no motivation to climb out of her oblivion.

Trembling fingers touched the cold stone plot on the wall in Lafayette Cemetery and traced the outline of a name: Kol Mikaelson. Davina's palm flattened against the stone and she shivered when the coldness seeped into her skin. Not even the sun that shone mockingly in the sky could warm away her pain.

"Please forgive me..." Davina whispered her plea as her eyes slowly shut and thick tears slid off of her eyelashes. "You'll never know how much you meant to me, but I have to let you go."

Could he even hear her? Davina half hoped he couldn't and prayed he couldn't see her. Before, that gave her relief, but relief isn't what she needed. Davina needed a solution, she needed to let go of something that was rooted deep within herself where nobody else had gone before.

After all the battles she's fought she never would have believed that Kol Mikaelson would be the one to destroy her strength.

"This is my goodbye and I hate it because it means that you're really gone and there is nothing I can do to save you." The quiet cries Davina had fought so hard against for the past months finally made their appearance. "I never want to forget you Kol, but I have to. I have to forget you. I have to let you go."

Davina ripped her hand away from the stone plot and quickly covered her quivering mouth with it while she walked away from his grave for the last time because by the end of the night Kol Mikaelson will cease to be a memory.

Nobody ever told her that dying wasn't the worst thing that could happen to someone you care about. Nobody ever told her that letting them go was the worst thing that could happen.

Letting go...Letting go of Kol Mikaelson.

The little sentence bounced around in Davina's head while she walked out of the cemetery. She passed the tomb that had once been theirs and had brought her excitement, it had brought her the last kiss from Kol she would ever feel and the sensation of his hand in hers.

As she walked through the quarter Davina was hit with every memory she ever shared with Kol as places she deemed as theirs fell behind her while she forced her legs to move farther away from him. It didn't even matter to her how she must have looked to those around her: Crying like her heart was being ripped out of her chest, but they didn't know that it had already been taken out.

Davina didn't stop walking until she reached Elijah Mikaelson. "Make me forget him. Take it away, please, just take everything away." Shaky breaths fell from her lips at odd intervals and her fingers moved the hair out of her face.

**XXX**

His return had been less than glorious when his eyes opened to more darkness until he broke free from the constricting stone confinement and fell out onto the concrete ground with a blast of sunlight in his unsuspecting eyes. It was one surprise after another, starting with Freya smiling down at him and tapping a pendant that hung from her necklace then leaving him without a word.

His siblings all taking their turns at him with their arms around him like he was their favorite sibling. Rebekah, who had been returned to her body, cried for the first time in front of Kol that wasn't over something that he saw pathetic.

Klaus passing Hope to him without an ounce of hesitation, calling him Hope's uncle that he suspected his daughter would see as her favorite rebellious family member that would teach her all the wrong kinds of magic tricks.

None of that seemed real to Kol, but he knew that it was because he felt alive and it wasn't that faux alive he had endured when he was among the ancestors who were less than accommodating to someone like him.

But the gentle hand coming down on his shoulder when he had turned to leave the compound in search of _her_, was Kol's most surreal moment of being alive again. Klaus had spoken gently to Kol, the softest he had ever heard him speak, as he spoke of what Elijah had been asked to do.

Like an idiot he had thought that seeing her would make everything better. As though he was strong enough to break past the mighty compulsion of Elijah Mikaelson. Even going to her with knowledge that she would not know who he was, Kol could feel himself deteriorating when those blue eyes fell upon him with blankness.

Davina's voice filled his ears when she pointed out that he was staring and asked if he wanted something, clearly she was irritated. Kol had shaken his head at her, smiling tragically, and put on his best charm filled show to interact with her because he needed to. What did it matter that each empty stare was another thousand knives all over his body? All Kol really needed was to hear her keep talking.

"Elijah, you have to bring her memories back." Kol was tormented by blank stares from Davina he kept conjuring up in his mind from his meeting with her.

"I saw her just minutes ago..." Elijah walked up behind Kol who had his back to his eldest brother. "I can't make her remember, brother. I promise you I tried, but I fear Davina put a lock on her memories without myself knowing."

"So I've lost her?" Kol cocked his head so he could see him out of the corner of his eye. "There's no hope?"

A deep breath took the place of Elijah's answer for a while. "The best I was able to do was get her to remember who you are, that something had transpired between you two, but I'm afraid that she'll have no recollection of anything more than that." He paused, trying to gouge Kol's reaction. "Her memories can be restored, but only once a memory has been triggered in her that she selected and I regret to say that it's an untouchable memory that not even she knows in this state nor will she know until her memories have been unlocked."

Hope was scarce, but at least it was there. Leaving Davina hadn't been his choice and he still recalled that night with painful sighs because even when she was in his reach she was gone. Kol doubted that her pain could compare to his because Davina didn't have to look into his eyes and see nothing there or see him standing there with no clue as to who she was. He did.

So why did Kol end up outside of the door to her attic bedroom and tap his knuckled against the wood? Davina's muffled voice asked who it was as she moved across the floor to answer it and Kol stated his name with closed eyes, afraid she wouldn't let him in, but he heard the door creak open.

"I have no idea who you are and you know that, but you're knocking at my door?" Davina's eyes weren't blank this time, just puzzled with slight admiration. "Anyone in your situation wouldn't be standing where you are right now, so you're either insane or...Nope, you're just insane. Elijah told me how hurt you are."

Those words were so Davina that Kol couldn't bring himself to even curse his brothers name for divulging that information to her, but it got her to open the door so maybe it was better he thanked him later.

"I prefer the term determined." His smirk came so easily that he almost forgot that this Davina didn't know how many times she'd seen it.

A hint of a smile showed Davina's liking of the answer. Kol wanted to say more things that he knew would keep her from being able to hide that smile he loved, but his hand had gently grabbed onto her wrist until he moved his hand down to hers.

"You should go." Davina pulled her hand from his fingers before they could hold onto her.

Seeing the pain of remembering that all they were was gone flash in Kol's eyes twinged Davina with awkwardness and guilt. Those eyes had meant nothing to her a few hours ago when she didn't even know his name, but now they evoked a feeling inside Davina that made her avert his gaze.

Desperately clinging to the sound of her voice he placed his hand on the door to keep her from closing it on him. His hand lingered on the wood with a lack of force, just enough to stop her, but not enough to force her to open it. He would never do that. Then his forehead fell against the door with a soft thump.

Kol couldn't keep the words from tumbling out of his mouth in complicated whispers that sometimes didn't even make sense and he didn't even care because Davina always understood him and he knew that whether she remembered what they had or not, she was still the only girl in the world who could understand someone like him.

So the words came from him like twisted vines, quiet but efficient. They were promises to her. Promises that he would never give up on her because he realized now more than he did when he died that he had taken what they had for granted. He never acknowledged how fragile it truly was, but now that he'd tasted what it was like to lose someone like her, he would do everything to get her back.

"What if I don't remember?" She was so quiet he had barely heard her, he hadn't even been sure she had been listening.

That was the question Kol could only pray he wouldn't have to follow through with it's answer. "If everything is gone and it's what you want...if it's what you need then I'll let you go, Davina." Her name brought a shudder to his spine to be able to say it, but not be able to have the luxury of having her in his life. "My family perceives me as the wily fox, selfish and out for no one but myself...maybe they're right, but I'd never be selfish with you. I'd let you go if that was what you needed because you erased your memory to let me go so you could live again and I don't want to take that from you."

Kol had closed his eyes to let his own words settle in his skin, to carve it into his mind. He never could let her go, but he would be strong like she had been when she let him go. Being mad at her for what she had done was never an option in his mind, how could he be mad at her for wanting to end her pain?

Silence came from the other side of the door and Kol was ready to slide his hand away to leave, but he felt her skin against his fingertips until her fingers slowly slid between his while laying flat against the door. He would never know that her silent tears returned after months of disappearing and that her only thought to rid herself of them was him. It confused her why she would ever have Elijah make her forget someone who cared this much about her, but she knew that if he was going to fight then she owed it to herself to heal what she had hidden so deep within herself.

**XXX**

Was it fair for her to be so scared and nervous like she was being right now with her thumb hovering over his contact in her phone? It had been there even before Elijah tried to give her back the truth, but somehow her mind just cast it aside. Now her heart was beating a mile a second while she debated over making the call.

For weeks she had avoided him when she could because honestly he was intimidating. The _situation _was intimidating. Everyone's eyes were on her to watch her every move when she was in the same room as him. They all knew something she didn't and might never know again.

Going against her gut, Davina clicked the phone icon by his contact and pressed her phone to her ear. By the time he had answered, blatantly surprised by her call, there was no chance for Davina to go back on what she had planned to do. So with stumbling words Davina asked if he would meet her, which he eagerly obliged to. She had told him to meet her at Lafayette Cemetery and was amused to already find him there before she arrived.

"The cemetery." Kol commented when she was close enough to hear him. "Glad to see not much has changed, you're still not the romantic type now are you?"

Kol's wit drew Davina toward him in a way she knew was dangerous because even if she never got her memories back there was no doubt this guy could make her fall for him all over again. He had a smooth charm that was almost irresistible. Almost.

"I remember something." It was a heavy statement to begin with, especially with her uncertainty about it, and knew it would have been unfair to jostle his emotions in such a way if it turned out to be nothing, but she couldn't stop thinking about it. She couldn't stop thinking about him, actually. "It's hazy and I'm not even sure what it is, but I remember a song."

"More than you know." Kol lowered his eyes to the ground, his smile saddening deeply before his eyes returned to hers. "By Billie Holiday." Davina's simple nod wasn't even needed for Kol to know he was right. "It was just a song we danced to one night."

"Don't lie to me." Davina softly shook her head back and forth then took a step towards him.

"You don't understand..." Kol trailed off his sentence with a sorrowful sigh and turned his back to her, despite her hand grabbing onto his arm firmly to try to turn him around again.

Kol forced himself to face her again and raised his eyes to hers so they wouldn't leave them no matter how much he wanted to look away. Still unsure of how she felt toward him, he gingerly lifted his hands to cup both sides of her face and allowed himself a smile when she didn't back away from him.

"I want to tell you everything. Every little bloody second I spent with you because I know something is bound to unlock those memories in your mind." His features drooped with sadness that propelled Davina to rest her hands against his chest to trail up to his neck as though to console him. "But I can't." Kol's fingers tangled in her hair as he cupped her face tighter in his grasp, while remaining gentle, and tried to find comfort in her eyes. "I know the way your mind works and whatever memory you chose to keep as your trigger I am going to find it, Davina."

Her eyes closed heavily like she were trying to block out his words because she didn't want to hear him tell her how much he cared or how well he knew her. He felt so much for her and Davina could feel it, even when he wasn't talking, but she just didn't feel that way about him that everyone said she was supposed to.

It was an obstacle that Davina knew they couldn't pass because she couldn't just make those feelings reappear again even if at times it seemed tempting to try because Kol had a way with words, or maybe he just had a way with her. Davina didn't try to understand.

She didn't know why she made herself forget Kol and she knew she may never find out, but Davina also knew that there was a reason she had done it. Maybe she couldn't figure out how to remember him because she wasn't supposed to.

There was only one thing Davina could count on right now and that was that she didn't want to feel this way anymore. It was a constant ache that followed her around. At the start of the day it was dull and easily concealed, but the moment this person that she was told she once cared deeply for entered her mind or her eyesight, the feeling roared past a dull throbbing and claimed her whole being.

"I don't want to live like this." Whispers were right for them, Davina had concluded. They were short, quiet, easily looked over. Sometimes you couldn't hear them no matter how hard you tried. Trying to remember Kol or what she felt for him was like trying to hear a whisper that was too quiet to hear; like grasping at the wind. There were times when you thought you heard it, but you just find out in the end you were wrong. "I can't wake up everyday feeling like I have to feel something that just isn't there anymore."

The words were stabbing Kol all over his body, repeatedly in his chest, yet it was his fingers that were wiping away stray tears from Davina's cheeks and telling her that it was okay.

"But it's not." Davina lifted her eyes to see Kol and like each time she saw those eyes of his she could see why she had fallen so far. One look into those eyes and Davina could almost forget trying to move on. Almost. "This is not okay, Kol. I'm letting you go and I'm hurting you and that's not okay. It shouldn't be okay."

"Don't worry." Kol's smile swept up her next words and Davina didn't want to speak anymore. "It doesn't hurt. I meant what I said to you. I want you to be happy and just because I'm not included in that doesn't mean it hurts."

"Why are you the one comforting me?" Davina didn't feel his hand wipe away her falling tear this time because he never moved from holding her and she had a feeling he was scared to because they both knew this was the last time he would get to be near her like this.

"Come on love, you're a smart girl. Don't ask questions you know the answer to." Another smile that muddled Davina's train of thought. "I know that you've been wondering for weeks what was so bad that you had to erase every single memory you had of me and I know you found your answer, but you just won't admit it. Some pain is just too hard to withstand."

Davina shook her head stubbornly in his hold, refusing that answer. "No, I never would have given up on you if I felt the way everyone says I did. I don't give up on the people I care about just because it hurts. That's weak—"

"No." Kol hushed her arguments with one word. "You didn't give up, you moved on. Just like you're doing now and I'm going to let you move on because I'd rather live without you than live with you and hurt you everyday."

Her hands covered Kol's that were resting on the sides of her face and slowly pulled them away from her, staring down at them held in between hers. "I'm sorry that I didn't fight harder and I'm sorry that I'm doing this to you."

Kol's whole world slipped away from him when her small hands squeezed his for the last time. He watched her leave the cemetery with her hands in her jacket pockets and never looking back. It was okay that she was moving on even if it tore him up inside and out.

Of course it was okay. It hurt like hell, but it was okay. It was okay because he was alive and so was she and in the end that was all he wanted. She would move on from him and he may never move on from her, but he would let her go like he promised her. He would keep his distance from her which meant he couldn't be there to protect her and that was the hardest part. Kol needed her to live her life without danger coming from every direction and he would give her that even if it wasn't him who protected her.

**XXX**

Davina passed another box to Marcel who reappeared in her attic bedroom that would no longer be hers in a few minutes. The attic was a prison and a sanctuary that served Davina well ever since she was sixteen, but those years of cowering were behind her and the first step to a new life was getting rid of what had begun the end of her old life. That was the church attic.

"Josh already has your room ready?" Marcel asked while taking the box from her arms. He was happy to see his surrogate daughter starting to take control of her life, but it was natural for him to feel nervous.

Her best friend had offered her a real place to stay after he had found himself his own decent apartment in New Orleans, but that had been months ago and Davina had first declined Josh's offer. It wasn't until recently did Davina inquire if his offer was still open. Josh being Josh was more than willing to have her move in with him.

"Everything is set up for me to move in." Davina flashed him a knowing smile, amused by his worries.

Marcel returned her smile with a small sigh while exiting the attic again and telling her that he'd be waiting outside for her as she took another look around to make sure she had gotten everything she wanted to take with her. Not everything in the attic was something Davina wanted to keep, she was intent on starting over.

There was a stillness in the room after Marcel was heard walking down the stairs. Davina could have sworn the attic was silently pleading for her to stay and if she were to have stayed in that room a second more she knew that she never would have left.

Lately it seemed Davina was too good at letting things go, but everything she let fall behind her was easy compared to what she had done to Kol Mikaelson. Because you could never hurt an inanimate object, but you could certainly hurt a person and hurt yourself in the process.

So with a refreshing breath Davina closed the attic door behind her and in a way Davina could feel her past demons climb off her back and release her. It felt nice to breathe again and Davina truly thought that would be the end of her tears and her headaches from over thinking, but when was it ever as simple as closing a door?

A thin book from one of the shelves on the wall thudded to the ground at Davina's feet. Against her better judgement she clasped her fingers around the book that she found was actually a leather bound journal, except it was hers. Davina didn't remember ever having a journal, but she knew this dust covered thing was hers.

The pages crinkled noisily from water damage when she flipped it open to the marked page to see her unmistakable scrawl decorating the cream colored pages. The entry started out as a letter to herself and it evoked confusion in her, why would she write to herself in her own journal?

But her eyes went down the pages that she had written on with black ink and anxiousness throbbed within her. The words hadn't simply been written in ink, they had been written in memories and warnings and even hopeful wishes of how she wanted to restart her life the way she should have a long time ago.

At the end of the entry it held the most peculiar words: I'm sorry.

That couldn't have been the end? An apology? What was she apologizing to herself for and why did this letter not strike Davina with any memory of herself writing it? The information the looped words held were so new that it was impossible for her to have written it when she was far younger.

Flipping the page over, Davina was given her answer.

Taped against the page was a folded up silver chain bracelet and that was it. There were no words or instructions or farewells. It was just the bracelet. A bracelet Davina didn't even recognize. Not recognizing something had become too common in Davina's life and she tore the tape with an irritated sigh.

Memories colored the blank spaces in Davina's mind and tightened her chest. It was a compilation of words in an accent that was too distinct to get wrong even if his face wasn't all she could see behind closed eyes. Davina saw every memory she lost of him until time caught up with her and she was left with her back against a nearby wall and her hand pressed against her chest as she held the silver chain in her hand.

Why did it hurt so much? Why was it always him that caused her this unimaginable pain?

Feet carried her to the compound frantically grabbing anyone she could find and asking them where he was. The seconds ticked by like hours and time pounded against Davina's head making it hard to focus because this wasn't fair. She wasn't supposed to remember him or feel all that pain again, but funnily enough she loved the pain that was coming to her.

It wasn't long until her desperation was nearly driving her to insanity that wouldn't let her breathe until she could find him. Davina needed to find him. It wasn't even a want anymore it was something that she needed in order to breathe properly.

Davina didn't find Kol until the sun had already set on the city of New Orleans and he walked out of the tomb while he slid his jacket on over his arms. He hadn't noticed her yet and Davina slowed down her pace to catch her breath that was visible in the frigid night air.

"Kol." It was a mix between a plea and a whisper of relief.

Visibly his body froze at the sound of his name coming out of her lips and his eyes slowly roamed up from the ground to meet hers in a mixture of fear and regret. He couldn't handle another goodbye in this place, but he was so drugged by her presence that he had allowed himself to walk closer to her just like she walked closer to him.

"Look." Davina moved her eyes from his to stare up at the star dotted sky above them. "The last time I remember looking at stars was when you died."

Kol looked away from the sky and fixated his gaze on hers that was tediously removed from the stars after a minute of torturous silence. "They are pretty bright tonight." Kol was at loss for words, but he had to say something just to make sure he could still function.

Her hands reached out to grab one of his to hold it between hers until it rested on the skin of her cheek and she felt his grip tighten instead of loosen. "Your hands aren't cold either. Not like I remember them."

Remember. She kept saying that word and her eyes seemed to intensify when it was said. Kol could feel his heart pounding against his ribcage so hard he feared it would break.

"Davina, what—"

"Yeah."

He didn't need to ask her what she meant because she had known his question before it even formed. This was the loudest silence Kol had ever experienced when he couldn't even force himself to look away from her. He didn't want to, but then his face was buried in her hair and Davina's arms wound around his back.

Kol held her tighter than he would have held onto his life if it were ever on the line again, because Davina was the only thing more precious than life. The only thing.

"What happened?" Kol parted himself from her just far enough to see her face and his hand trailed up her neck to her cheek.

"I'll explain everything, I promise, but I don't want to talk about that right now."

Their lips hovered close to each other lingeringly while neither of them moved in to connect their lips in a kiss they were both desperate for. Finally Davina leaned in the small distance to capture his lips with hers. Their kiss was blissfully slow and relaxed, but in a hungry sort of way. Their passion grew as their lips opened against each others and Davina moved herself closer to Kol. Before it turned from passion to insanity, Davina managed to pull her lips away from his, but only for Kol to kiss her once more, dragging it out by holding the single kiss for as long as he could.


End file.
